My parents never did anything wrong. Actually, I think they did an amazing job raising me. I am so thankful for everything they did and continue to do for me. But lately, I have started to feel a disconnect. On one hand, they continue to support me financially and emotionally and they believe in me. On the other hand, I just feel so alone.
As a child, you see your parents as superheroes. Their strength is immeasurable, they will protect you from everything, and they have the answer to every question imaginable. But then I got older. Their bodies were breaking down, they could only do so much to protect me from the world, and now they don’t know what to say anymore. Speaking with them now only leads to two conclusions. Either they just tell me what I “need to do” or they don’t know what to tell me. Our calls feel like chores now. Every conversation is forced, and it always feels like they are waiting for me to say something. What do you want me to say? My life sucks. I disappointed you. I am not the son you wanted. I am sorry okay. What do you want from me? How am I supposed to be a good person, rich, successful, confident, smart, fit, religious, everything you want me to be. How? When I don’t even know how I am going to feel tomorrow.
Maybe I’m just spoiled…
